Keeping ex's name can be practical
(KRT) - Q: My husband of two years was previously married and has
two kids - a son and a daughter. He shares custody with his ex-wife.
Six months ago, his ex-wife remarried and she refuses to change her
last name. She uses our last name. It drives me crazy. Every time I
think about it, I want to go ballistic. Why would she want to continue
to use her ex-husband's last name after she has remarried? I can't
imagine that her new husband would agree to it. A: We can think of a few reasons why your husband's ex-wife may want
to continue to use your husband's last name after she has remarried.
First, it is her children's last name, and if she has joint custody of
the children, she probably has to deal with their school. From
experience, we can tell you it's difficult to have a different last
name from your children's. Sharyl often tells the story of how furious
she was when she went to pick her daughter up early from school and the
secretary wouldn't release the child into her care. Jann had the same
last name as the kids. Sharyl did not. Being that the school secretary
had worked for the district only a short time, she mistook Sharyl for
an aunt and would not release her until she checked the records. Sharyl
was furious. To eliminate that problem, some women keep the same last
name as their children, even after divorce and remarriage_or they
hyphenate the last name their children use with their new husband's
last name. Another reason your husband's ex might want to keep the same name is
that she is a professional in her field and has established a
reputation using her previous name. Sometimes when people are in sales,
for example, they hesitate to change their name for fear that their
customers will not know where to find them. Since their livelihood is
based on customer recognition, they keep the same name, even when they
divorce and remarry. Actors do the same thing_Annette Bening and Warren Beatty, Kate
Hudson and Chris Robinson, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. All three couples
are married with children, but the parents do not use the same last
name. In terms of her new husband's attitude about her not using his
name_although many a man is adamant about his wife's changing her name
to match his, others do not feel it is important. And, since the law
does not require a woman to change her name when she marries, couples
are free to handle this decision in a way that best suits their
lifestyle. Although you may feel the ex's keeping her name is a cold and
calculated way to get your goat, you can see by the points raised that
there may be a very logical explanation for her decision. Ask her. --- (Ex-Etiquette is written by Jann Blackstone-Ford, M.A., and her
husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe. They are the co-founders of Bonus
Families (www.bonusfamilies.com)
and the authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After a
Divorce or Separation." Contact them at ee(AT)bonusfamilies.com.) --- © 2005, Contra Costa Times (Walnut Creek, Calif.). Visit the Contra Costa Times on the Web at http://www.contracostatimes.com. Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.
Knight Ridder Newspapers
Comments