Kansas Family and Divorce

What people think of prenups

A 2002 Harris Poll demonstrates the polarized opinions on drafting a prenuptial agreement:

• More than one-fourth of respondents (28%) think that a prenup makes smart financial sense for anyone getting married.

• One-fourth think they are for the rich and famous, not regular people.

• One in five (19%) believe a prenup is never needed if two people really love each other.

• Fifteen percent think a prenup dooms a marriage to failure.

• Twelve percent think prenuptial agreements are a good idea but would feel too uncomfortable to bring the issue up in their own relationship.

• One-half (49%) of divorced Americans believe that prenuptial agreements make financial sense, while just one in five (21%) married Americans feel the same.

From freep.com.

Source for Post: California Divorce and Family Law.

Invest in Your Marriage, not Divorce Lawyers

Communication Provides a Solid Marital Base

Once upon a time, it was more than just a romantic sentiment uttered at the altar when couples tied the knot.

It was for real.

Marriage was forever.

These days, it may seem that if you make it past your fifth wedding anniversary you deserve to be congratulated. Modern marriage is tough going - and many people decide it's not worth the hassle.

Current divorce statistics indicate that most divorces occur for couples married less than five years and that the proportion of divorces is highest for couples married three years. This is not surprising since a 2001 study conducted by the Centre for Marriage and family at Creighton University in Nebraska found young couples face serious conflicts over the use of time, sex and money in their first years of marriage.

Because 60 per cent of marriages today begin with both spouses employed, juggling work and time together, not to mention the early arrival of children, can lead to great stress. This is a balancing act that becomes impossible for many.

Other areas of stress include finances, debts brought into the marriage and required employment relocations, which separate husband and wife from family and familiar locations that can be sources of security. Lack of sexual adjustment also takes its toll. Even though society proclaims sex is the answer to every problem, couples may find sexual intimacy is itself the problem.

Local experts agree the first five years are critical but say young couples can beat the odds by learning skills of communication, negotiation, getting along with one another and of finding solutions that work for both of them.

Source for post and the rest of the article: Western Catholic Reporter

How to budget for an engagement ring

I thought it might be nice to have some "good news" or "good information" today. So, when I came across a post from Lifehut about buying an engagement ring, I could not resist.

An engagement ring is an important purchase as it marks a special time in the lives of two people. As with any important decision, a little time and energy should be spent preparing and planning.

First, take the time to learn about the 4C’s - cut, carat, color and clarity. These are the standards by which a diamond is graded. By understanding what they are, and which are most important to you, it is possible to make a plan that will bring you the most satisfaction with your purchase, and give you the most diamond for your money.

Secrets to a Happy Marriage -- Part Two

Here is Ben Stevens' second in his series, Secrets to a Happy Marriage -- Part Two. This is great stuff and many thanks to Ben again for providing this series.

I am pleased to give you part two of The Little Blue Book Series of Secrets to a Healthy Marriage by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, LMFT:

As you may remember, secret number one was: Full Disclosure of Moneys, No Hidden Accounts. We continue with secret number two: Each spouse must become a skilled cryptographer or develop competent communication skills.

Marriage and Money 101

Once again, we visit the issue of money and marriage. As I have stated before, money is one of the big three couples may argue about.

Love and money. Unfortunately, the two don't always go together. But with the wedding season in full swing, many couples will be so consumed with the details of their nuptials that they'll neglect to discuss one of the most important aspects of their new life together: money.

"Most people don't talk about finances before they get married," says Celia Ray Hayhoe, a financial planner and family financial extension specialist at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University. "It's the last taboo subject."

Before you tie the knot, read this primer on how to become fiscally in step with your spouse. If you've been married awhile, consider this a refresher course.

Kiplinger's.com has a pretty good article on this subject. Three areas we are reminded to look at are:

• Newlyweds: Start talking

• Resolve differences

• Create a financial union

Technorati Tags:
Marriage, Marriage and Money

Secrets to a Happy Marriage -- Part One

Here is the first in a series of what looks to be a great set of articles. This one deals with secrets to a happy marriage. They come to us from Ben Stevens at the South Carolina Family Law Blog. Ben has given me permission to provide them to you.

I am proud to present the first in an excellent series of articles, The Little Blue Book Series of Secrets to a Healthy Marriage by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, LMFT. I will publish this eight part series over the next several weeks, and I hope that you find it helpful. I truly appreciate Trey's generosity in allowing me to publish this series on my blog. Here is Part One:

Probably the most frequently asked question I get in counseling from married couples and those preparing for marriage is this: Where do we get that little book that tells us how to do everything right the first time, how to stay in love, and cultivate a healthy and happy relationship? And to the surprise of all, it just doesn’t exist. I am not talking about the Bible, which is our Source of life and faith, or some little publication by Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family. What I am talking about is that small hypothetical little blue (instead of black) book the preacher was supposed to secretly hand over to the husband right before he says the ‘I do.’ Or perhaps, the husband’s father was supposed to pass it down from when his father gave it to him. I will assume that everyone knows what I am talking about here.

Fighting in Front of the Kids Causes Them distress about marriage and family life.

From News-Medical.Net:

"Researchers in the U.S. say that couples who fight in front of their children or even those who ignore each other, encourage negative thoughts and distress about marriage and family life which is sometimes evident up to a year later.

Marital conflict was examined as an indicator of the quality and quantity of sleep and was found to be a factor in otherwise healthy 8- to 9-year-olds, while emotional security became more of an issue in adolescents."

Technorati Tags:
Family, Divorce, Marriage, Marriage Counseling

Ways to head off fights over money

In my own practice, money is one of the big three. Let's face it, couples fight, argue about, discuss or cuss about three things: children, sex and money.

The Chicago Tribune has an interesting article today about Joint financial values vital in building strong marriage. Good article with some great tips and advise. Read the entire article at the link above.

At the end of the article are some tips to avoid financial conflicts.

- Understand what drives your partner. How did money play a role in his or her parents' marriage? Does your partner see money as a means primarily to enjoyment, security or charitable giving?

- Don't saddle one spouse with all the record-keeping and another with all the spending. Ditto for investments: One partner may do the bulk of the administrative work on your investment accounts, but both need to buy into the risk tolerance and investing strategy.

- Every year, draft a spending plan that both partners agree to follow. Review it monthly so you can discuss any overspending before it gets out of hand.

- Seek formal counseling if your money fights are camouflage for much deeper problems, like secrecy or lying.

Technorati Tags:
Marriage, Finances, Debt, Credit

Love Secret of Happily Married Couples

Focus more on your partner than yourself study shows.

Want a better love life that goes beyond Valentine's Day romance? Prize your partner's happiness and well-being above your own, a new survey suggests.

Those feelings -- called altruistic love -- are at the heart of the survey, which included more than 1,300 people, 60% of whom were married.

The findings:

• Married people with lots of altruistic love for their spouse had happier marriages.

• Married or not, altruistic love for a significant other was tied to higher levels of general happiness.

The survey was part of the General Social Survey, directed by Tom W. Smith, PhD, of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.

Read more from WebMD

Technorati Tags:
Family, Marriage, WebMD

When I get married, will my wife gain ownership rights to my house?

QUESTION:

My fiancée has asked about putting her name on the deed to my house after we get married. I don't want to do that in case things don't work out and we divorce. But I've heard that when I marry all of my assets automatically become half hers, anyway. I should say that I will be the only one paying for the mortgage and home improvements. What does the law say, and will a premarital agreement remedy the situation?